diff --git a/content/about.tree b/content/about.tree index cd321e6..ab4ec78 100644 --- a/content/about.tree +++ b/content/about.tree @@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ "01J09E55G0WS63QCFBPP12EMRM", "01J09E55G0H58Q8V8NV23QSQGC", ] -+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat furry doing various things with computers! ++ I'm a _he/him_-type cat [furry][page:philosophy/furry] doing various things with computers! % id = "01J7S89Y467VSMGW5DCE1P2D75" - I don't have enough drawing skill to pull off a full body fursona just yet, but this is me! diff --git a/content/philosophy.tree b/content/philosophy.tree index 1cdf416..6f024bd 100644 --- a/content/philosophy.tree +++ b/content/philosophy.tree @@ -20,6 +20,12 @@ % id = "01JBAK8GABBRYFED4AMGC4BKTB" - there's a reason I don't include these branches in [page:treehouse/new][] alright +% content.link = "philosophy/furry" ++ :page: furry! ---w--- + +% content.link = "philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown" ++ :page: fear of the unknown + % content.link = "philosophy/nicknames" id = "01JBWJ0475CPPP1FTWY1BRDWA6" + :page: on nicknames diff --git a/content/philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown.tree b/content/philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown.tree new file mode 100644 index 0000000..76476aa --- /dev/null +++ b/content/philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown.tree @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +%% title = "fear of the unknown" + ++ no matter how long you live, you will always live in fear. + + - that's your survival instinct speaking. + +- *as long as you're learning, you can never truly be comfortable.* + + + learning new things requires changing yourself, and changing yourself means overcoming fear of the unknown. + + - (absorbing knowledge is not the same as learning.) + +- this is pretty scary when you think about it. +do you mean I'll never be comfortable [being a furry][page:philosophy/furry]? + + - well yeah, basically yeah. + only way is that you can become comfortable with certain _parts_ of the experience, by simply experiencing them and teaching your mind [it's okay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcBLUIov1_I){.secret}. diff --git a/content/philosophy/furry.tree b/content/philosophy/furry.tree new file mode 100644 index 0000000..441e178 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/philosophy/furry.tree @@ -0,0 +1,117 @@ +%% title = "furry! —w—" + +- I like fur! +it's really pleasant to the touch. + + + if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world. + unfortunately I'm allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment. + + - actually, I _do_ hug my parents' cats somewhat regularly when I visit them. + it's just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face :oh: + + - honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl. + so why don't we? + + - biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course... + + - thankfully on the Internet, anything goes. + I can imagine. + I can create. + I can be whatever I want to be. + +- [_this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44){.secret} + + + realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time. + + - overcoming [fear of the unknown][page:philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown] isn't exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise. + + - but being able to imagine I'm a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body. + + - I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems. + + + in early childhood I'd get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here. + + - especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with. + my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable + + - some kids would ask me "what happened to you?" out of curiosity. + I'd respond "nothing, it's just my illness." + + - nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level. + I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment. + probably because my skin isn't inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks. + +- I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it. + + - this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane. + it's just me with cat features ---w--- + + + I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout. + I think it's cuter that way :3 + + - technically anime-style faces _do_ resemble snouts slightly; they're just very short. + (how fitting for a cat.) + + - there are lots of cool things about the human body. + the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane. + unless you have some disability of course. + + - but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same. + + + you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof? + + - human floof so ugly and coarse ---w--- + + - and you don't even get a cute tail {-that constantly gets caught on closing doors _OW FUCK_-} + + - all the other animals have those, so why not us? + + - like I know they're not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society. + +- I'll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not _the most normal_ thing in the world. + + - we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it :oh: + + - I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.) + + - except... later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it. + yet the more I thought about that _thing_ (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool. + + - that's probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while. + +- so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5--6 years. (it started around 2017--2018) + + - the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei. + "is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?" + + - still my favourite fluffy kindboy ---w--- + + - a few months later... + I stumbled upon [this blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench. + + - why _of course_ furries are not harmful you dumbass! + what even made you think that? + + - maybe it's time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you? + +- soon enough I thought, "[_hehehehe \*mydli\* \*mydli\*_][pic:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2] let's have some fun with my online identity!" + +I started this website. + + - at first I didn't mention anything about being a furry. + I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he's a pretty aesthetically pleasing character. + not wanting to steal other people's art, I also started drawing around that time. + + - a few months later, I slowly started [crawling out of my shell and hittin' truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxfN-dFyzEQ){.secret}. + I added a little branch to the treehouse _mildly suggesting_ I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year [I came out with a fursona][branch:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2]. + + - as of writing this I'm still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. ---w--- + +- I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now: + + + ## I am a furry, and I'm proud of it! + + - [_I am doing_][r]{.secret}\ + [_no harm_][r]{.secret} + + [r]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44 diff --git a/static/pic/01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2-mydli-mydli.jpg b/static/pic/01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2-mydli-mydli.jpg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da95966 Binary files /dev/null and b/static/pic/01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2-mydli-mydli.jpg differ