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No commits in common. "0b0c0a4de47104b6a93ef3cc554ee2c044b96988" and "e584b12ee22128e749a067b1cb698055c53bfdb8" have entirely different histories.

9 changed files with 149 additions and 301 deletions

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@ -37,7 +37,7 @@
"01J09E55G0WS63QCFBPP12EMRM",
"01J09E55G0H58Q8V8NV23QSQGC",
]
+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat [furry][page:philosophy/furry] doing various things with computers!
+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat furry doing various things with computers!
% id = "01J7S89Y467VSMGW5DCE1P2D75"
- I don't have enough drawing skill to pull off a full body fursona just yet, but this is me!

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@ -20,28 +20,156 @@
% id = "01JBAK8GABBRYFED4AMGC4BKTB"
- there's a reason I don't include these branches in [page:treehouse/new][] alright
% content.link = "philosophy/furry"
+ :page: furry! ---w---
% id = "01HFYZKREV634J021ZMCDSP7G4"
+ :page: hedonic treadmill ([wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill))
% content.link = "philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown"
+ :page: fear of the unknown
% id = "01HFYZKREVV2CX1GYJQ18BJS78"
+ a concept that's incredibly useful in keeping it cool
% id = "01HFYZKREVVSABAMXQ5C8VTWWD"
- because what of those depressing days, if next day you may wake up and feel 100x better
% id = "01HFYZKREVGA2YHKPXYFJ180P4"
+ a concept that's incredibly scary when you love someone
% id = "01HFYZKREVMKTSY4HXYE5R92HW"
- because what of these moments where you're incredibly happy, if you're gonna feel normal
tomorrow anyways
% id = "01HFYZKREVJ1GBC41SY44T4JRB"
- as scary of a concept it is when you're feeling well, it's useful to remember about the
treadmill when you're down. and don't think that it'll ruin a good day, just don't think about
it then.
% id = "01HREVZNAHB1H9VMD0NPPFTEQ0"
+ :page: just shut up sometimes
% id = "01HREVZNAH8XFRMVB9G58TPV8R"
- I just caught myself writing a few paragraphs long comment on [Lobsters](https://lobste.rs) without really understanding what the author of the comment meant in the broader context of the discussion,
after which I deleted my comment and gave myself a pat on the back for avoiding accidentally derailing the discussion.
% id = "01HREVZNAHRC9BJZJPH9RE21PE"
- this is an unfortunate side effect of the tree-based structure of Lobsters.
as much as I like tree-based forums, as they let you focus on many different (off-)topics without cluttering the main thread,
it's damn near impossible to keep the broader context of _what the discussion is about_ when the thread nests more than 3 levels deep.
% id = "01HREVZNAH96KPDQAW1YW1FGC5"
- therefore, if you ever find yourself writing an essay about just how wrong someone is, think to yourself: am I _really_ understanding what's going on in this discussion?
and if not - maybe just shut up and let the rest of the idiots fan the flames instead.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFVPDBKKZPWDSV1D5G"
+ :page: in wisdom you become old
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFNS3ZSSA1QXN83SMH"
+ this is kind of weird, but recently I have noticed I no longer keep up with slang
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFC6RVTFP1QNR00W0V"
- the fuck is a skibidi??
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF170NG9S2AMVGP8NS"
- maybe this is because I no longer browse memes.
not on our friend circle's private Discord, not on Reddit, pretty much nowhere
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFYM90M1YQD1XDDYSM"
- memes largely arrive to me directly from specific people.
I don't go out to kill boredom with memes anymore.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF3Y7M3Q5V1F0TRPHX"
- at some point I realized browsing memes adds nothing to my life, and I just stopped doing it.
obviously something had to take their place in killing time, and that became... reading [Lobste.rs](https://lobste.rs).
I think that's a net positive since you can genuinely learn a lot from people's writing about computing, but getting time for that required abandoning memes.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF2X8HBDP8YGE9M8YZ"
- the realization that I gain nothing by browsing memes is probably what one could call a piece of _wisdom_; life knowledge, stuff that shapes your worldview.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFF2QSCJR0CWPJ608V"
+ but by gaining more wisdom, I have lost knowledge of popculture
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFJNDR46FA35CN0SQ5"
- not that you can define _popculture_ in today's society that well anyways.
there are so many little corners of culture that it's hard to tell what's popular anymore
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF06SKKJCQKA2QNPT2"
- ...don't tell anyone, but I like it that way.
I can focus on my art and making it unique.
no need to chase trends.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFTFAS3BRAGPZC1G0N"
- even if it means being called an old fart at some point.
timeless > trendy
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZFWVQS5GK6B28MG3M"
+ :page: "I build things"
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZMTJS5A9Z5VFFQR0V"
- aka how to sound like the most boring software developer ever.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZCCJHXGMQSCJVEN93"
- I can't count the amount of times I've heard this phrase.
You say it, and it sounds so profound.
So grand.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2DX52MEK755C2NZH"
- *You. Build. Things.* after all.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZW84TQ6SZBPSP0EQZ"
+ but behind those no words is no substance.
You build things, so what?
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z7BPG32ZDD9Q5SZAX"
- [the film starts, the film ends. nothing is said inbetween.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SILVQpqmH7U){.secret}
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z09EMEVYZDWM1Z9MX"
- [humpty dumpty sat on the wall...](https://youtu.be/AIxY_Y9TGWI?t=475)
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZYGQTNCQTVFK3CF37"
- if you're so uncreative as to _only_ be able to say you build things...
yeah you're not very creative are you.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z472KF0XFYZNNXA6Z"
- liquidex yells at cloud.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZHGDQFZNYGY941QDX"
- there's a reason I call myself a programming wizard.
that one word tells you so much more about my nature than "I build things."
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZR1E3BPTTEQ1YDE0H"
- the wizard part is about wanting to go deeper, to explore every nook and cranny of the software I obsess over.
uncover arcane knowledge few to no people know about.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZDXXXC5KEAZD0JWGA"
- fucking, EVERYBODY builds things in this industry, arrite
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2N453PMF5Q2NZFDJ"
- "I build things" is something literally _every_ creative can say.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZB00ANB28N21G2DZK"
+ by the way here's a funny: <https://godly.website/>
have fun browsing bad UX design xoxo
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z3DE0D6EW7C5GAEB9"
- this website feels like it never had a UX designer look at it either.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z8K7DZJZY3S0CJGWH"
- explore the [directory](https://godly.website/directory)---a list of categories, each of which is a link that takes up the entire width of the screen,
so you never have any space to autoscroll with your middle mouse button
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z506G168Q7GPW78QS"
- the fact the categories include boring garbage such as: "Agency", "E-commerce", "Startup", "Development", "Mobile App", "Finance", "SaaS",
and of course the badges on the front page start with "AI" and "Web3" tells you a lot about the creators.
"quality" my ass.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z9N7ZA6BKER4EQPKA"
- this website doesn't even work without JavaScript, even though it's purely static content.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z4FWSC4KEEQJJV669"
- look I know treehouse barely works without JS, but _at least you can read it._
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z6QSCGVE9PF9CWFGC"
- an entry on this website provoked me to write this.
I don't want to call out the specific one because it would be missing the point.
% content.link = "philosophy/nicknames"
id = "01JBWJ0475CPPP1FTWY1BRDWA6"
+ :page: on nicknames
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZFWVQS5GK6B28MG3M"
content.link = "philosophy/i-build-things"
+ :page: "I build things"
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFVPDBKKZPWDSV1D5G"
content.link = "philosophy/in-wisdom-you-become-old"
+ :page: in wisdom you become old
% id = "01HREVZNAHB1H9VMD0NPPFTEQ0"
content.link = "philosophy/shut-up"
+ :page: just shut up sometimes
% id = "01HFYZKREV634J021ZMCDSP7G4"
content.link = "philosophy/hedonic-treadmill"
+ :page: hedonic treadmill ([wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill))

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@ -1,17 +0,0 @@
%% title = "fear of the unknown"
+ no matter how long you live, you will always live in fear.
- that's your survival instinct speaking.
- *as long as you're learning, you can never truly be comfortable.*
+ learning new things requires changing yourself, and changing yourself means overcoming fear of the unknown.
- (absorbing knowledge is not the same as learning.)
- this is pretty scary when you think about it.
do you mean I'll never be comfortable [being a furry][page:philosophy/furry]?
- well yeah, basically yeah.
only way is that you can become comfortable with certain _parts_ of the experience, by simply experiencing them and teaching your mind [it's okay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcBLUIov1_I){.secret}.

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@ -1,117 +0,0 @@
%% title = "furry! —w—"
- I like fur!
it's really pleasant to the touch.
+ if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world.
unfortunately I'm allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment.
- actually, I _do_ hug my parents' cats somewhat regularly when I visit them.
it's just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face :oh:
- honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl.
so why don't we?
- biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course...
- thankfully on the Internet, anything goes.
I can imagine.
I can create.
I can be whatever I want to be.
- [_this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44){.secret}
+ realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time.
- overcoming [fear of the unknown][page:philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown] isn't exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise.
- but being able to imagine I'm a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body.
- I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems.
+ in early childhood I'd get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here.
- especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with.
my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable
- some kids would ask me "what happened to you?" out of curiosity.
I'd respond "nothing, it's just my illness."
- nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level.
I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment.
probably because my skin isn't inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks.
- I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it.
- this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane.
it's just me with cat features ---w---
+ I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout.
I think it's cuter that way :3
- technically anime-style faces _do_ resemble snouts slightly; they're just very short.
(how fitting for a cat.)
- there are lots of cool things about the human body.
the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane.
unless you have some disability of course.
- but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same.
+ you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof?
- human floof so ugly and coarse ---w---
- and you don't even get a cute tail {-that constantly gets caught on closing doors _OW FUCK_-}
- all the other animals have those, so why not us?
- like I know they're not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society.
- I'll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not _the most normal_ thing in the world.
- we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it :oh:
- I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.)
- except... later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it.
yet the more I thought about that _thing_ (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool.
- that's probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while.
- so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5--6 years. (it started around 2017--2018)
- the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei.
"is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?"
- still my favourite fluffy kindboy ---w---
- a few months later...
I stumbled upon [this blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench.
- why _of course_ furries are not harmful you dumbass!
what even made you think that?
- maybe it's time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you?
- soon enough I thought, "[_hehehehe \*mydli\* \*mydli\*_][pic:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2] let's have some fun with my online identity!"
I started this website.
- at first I didn't mention anything about being a furry.
I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he's a pretty aesthetically pleasing character.
not wanting to steal other people's art, I also started drawing around that time.
- a few months later, I slowly started [crawling out of my shell and hittin' truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxfN-dFyzEQ){.secret}.
I added a little branch to the treehouse _mildly suggesting_ I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year [I came out with a fursona][branch:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2].
- as of writing this I'm still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. ---w---
- I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now:
+ ## I am a furry, and I'm proud of it!
- [_I am doing_][r]{.secret}\
[_no harm_][r]{.secret}
[r]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44

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@ -1,20 +0,0 @@
%% title = "hedonic treadmill"
% id = "01HFYZKREVV2CX1GYJQ18BJS78"
- a concept that's incredibly useful in keeping it cool
% id = "01HFYZKREVVSABAMXQ5C8VTWWD"
- because what of those depressing days, if next day you may wake up and feel 100x better
% id = "01HFYZKREVGA2YHKPXYFJ180P4"
- a concept that's incredibly scary when you love someone
% id = "01HFYZKREVMKTSY4HXYE5R92HW"
- because what of these moments where you're incredibly happy, if you're gonna feel normal
tomorrow anyways
% id = "01HFYZKREVJ1GBC41SY44T4JRB"
- as scary of a concept it is when you're feeling well, it's useful to remember about the
treadmill when you're down. and don't think that it'll ruin a good day, just don't think about
it then.

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@ -1,71 +0,0 @@
%% title = '"I build things"'
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZMTJS5A9Z5VFFQR0V"
- aka how to sound like the most boring software developer ever.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZCCJHXGMQSCJVEN93"
- I can't count the amount of times I've heard this phrase.
You say it, and it sounds so profound.
So grand.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2DX52MEK755C2NZH"
- *You. Build. Things.* after all.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZW84TQ6SZBPSP0EQZ"
+ but behind those no words is no substance.
You build things, so what?
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z7BPG32ZDD9Q5SZAX"
- [the film starts, the film ends. nothing is said inbetween.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SILVQpqmH7U){.secret}
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z09EMEVYZDWM1Z9MX"
- [humpty dumpty sat on the wall...](https://youtu.be/AIxY_Y9TGWI?t=475)
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZYGQTNCQTVFK3CF37"
- if you're so uncreative as to _only_ be able to say you build things...
yeah you're not very creative are you.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z472KF0XFYZNNXA6Z"
- liquidex yells at cloud.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZHGDQFZNYGY941QDX"
- there's a reason I call myself a programming wizard.
that one word tells you so much more about my nature than "I build things."
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZR1E3BPTTEQ1YDE0H"
- the wizard part is about wanting to go deeper, to explore every nook and cranny of the software I obsess over.
uncover arcane knowledge few to no people know about.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZDXXXC5KEAZD0JWGA"
- fucking, EVERYBODY builds things in this industry, arrite
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2N453PMF5Q2NZFDJ"
- "I build things" is something literally _every_ creative can say.
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZB00ANB28N21G2DZK"
+ by the way here's a funny: <https://godly.website/>
have fun browsing bad UX design xoxo
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z3DE0D6EW7C5GAEB9"
- this website feels like it never had a UX designer look at it either.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z8K7DZJZY3S0CJGWH"
- explore the [directory](https://godly.website/directory)---a list of categories, each of which is a link that takes up the entire width of the screen,
so you never have any space to autoscroll with your middle mouse button
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z506G168Q7GPW78QS"
- the fact the categories include boring garbage such as: "Agency", "E-commerce", "Startup", "Development", "Mobile App", "Finance", "SaaS",
and of course the badges on the front page start with "AI" and "Web3" tells you a lot about the creators.
"quality" my ass.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z9N7ZA6BKER4EQPKA"
- this website doesn't even work without JavaScript, even though it's purely static content.
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z4FWSC4KEEQJJV669"
- look I know treehouse barely works without JS, but _at least you can read it._
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z6QSCGVE9PF9CWFGC"
- an entry on this website provoked me to write this.
I don't want to call out the specific one because it would be missing the point.

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@ -1,40 +0,0 @@
%% title = "in wisdom you become old"
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFNS3ZSSA1QXN83SMH"
+ this is kind of weird, but recently I have noticed I no longer keep up with slang
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFC6RVTFP1QNR00W0V"
- the fuck is a skibidi??
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF170NG9S2AMVGP8NS"
- maybe this is because I no longer browse memes.
not on our friend circle's private Discord, not on Reddit, pretty much nowhere
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFYM90M1YQD1XDDYSM"
- memes largely arrive to me directly from specific people.
I don't go out to kill boredom with memes anymore.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF3Y7M3Q5V1F0TRPHX"
- at some point I realized browsing memes adds nothing to my life, and I just stopped doing it.
obviously something had to take their place in killing time, and that became... reading [Lobste.rs](https://lobste.rs).
I think that's a net positive since you can genuinely learn a lot from people's writing about computing, but getting time for that required abandoning memes.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF2X8HBDP8YGE9M8YZ"
- the realization that I gain nothing by browsing memes is probably what one could call a piece of _wisdom_; life knowledge, stuff that shapes your worldview.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFF2QSCJR0CWPJ608V"
+ but by gaining more wisdom, I have lost knowledge of popculture
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFJNDR46FA35CN0SQ5"
- not that you can define _popculture_ in today's society that well anyways.
there are so many little corners of culture that it's hard to tell what's popular anymore
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF06SKKJCQKA2QNPT2"
- ...don't tell anyone, but I like it that way.
I can focus on my art and making it unique.
no need to chase trends.
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFTFAS3BRAGPZC1G0N"
- even if it means being called an old fart at some point.
timeless > trendy

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@ -1,15 +0,0 @@
%% title = "just shut up sometimes"
% id = "01HREVZNAH8XFRMVB9G58TPV8R"
- I just caught myself writing a few paragraphs long comment on [Lobsters](https://lobste.rs) without really understanding what the author of the comment meant in the broader context of the discussion,
after which I deleted my comment and gave myself a pat on the back for avoiding accidentally derailing the discussion.
% id = "01HREVZNAHRC9BJZJPH9RE21PE"
- this is an unfortunate side effect of the tree-based structure of Lobsters.
as much as I like tree-based forums, as they let you focus on many different (off-)topics without cluttering the main thread,
it's damn near impossible to keep the broader context of _what the discussion is about_ when the thread nests more than 3 levels deep.
% id = "01HREVZNAH96KPDQAW1YW1FGC5"
- therefore, if you ever find yourself writing an essay about just how wrong someone is, think to yourself: am I _really_ understanding what's going on in this discussion?
and if not - maybe just shut up and let the rest of the idiots fan the flames instead.

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