Compare commits
No commits in common. "0b0c0a4de47104b6a93ef3cc554ee2c044b96988" and "e584b12ee22128e749a067b1cb698055c53bfdb8" have entirely different histories.
0b0c0a4de4
...
e584b12ee2
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@ -37,7 +37,7 @@
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"01J09E55G0WS63QCFBPP12EMRM",
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"01J09E55G0H58Q8V8NV23QSQGC",
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]
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+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat [furry][page:philosophy/furry] doing various things with computers!
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+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat furry doing various things with computers!
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% id = "01J7S89Y467VSMGW5DCE1P2D75"
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- I don't have enough drawing skill to pull off a full body fursona just yet, but this is me!
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@ -20,28 +20,156 @@
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% id = "01JBAK8GABBRYFED4AMGC4BKTB"
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- there's a reason I don't include these branches in [page:treehouse/new][] alright
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% content.link = "philosophy/furry"
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+ :page: furry! ---w---
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% id = "01HFYZKREV634J021ZMCDSP7G4"
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+ :page: hedonic treadmill ([wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill))
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% content.link = "philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown"
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+ :page: fear of the unknown
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% id = "01HFYZKREVV2CX1GYJQ18BJS78"
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+ a concept that's incredibly useful in keeping it cool
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% id = "01HFYZKREVVSABAMXQ5C8VTWWD"
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- because what of those depressing days, if next day you may wake up and feel 100x better
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% id = "01HFYZKREVGA2YHKPXYFJ180P4"
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+ a concept that's incredibly scary when you love someone
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% id = "01HFYZKREVMKTSY4HXYE5R92HW"
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- because what of these moments where you're incredibly happy, if you're gonna feel normal
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tomorrow anyways
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% id = "01HFYZKREVJ1GBC41SY44T4JRB"
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- as scary of a concept it is when you're feeling well, it's useful to remember about the
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treadmill when you're down. and don't think that it'll ruin a good day, just don't think about
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it then.
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% id = "01HREVZNAHB1H9VMD0NPPFTEQ0"
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+ :page: just shut up sometimes
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% id = "01HREVZNAH8XFRMVB9G58TPV8R"
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- I just caught myself writing a few paragraphs long comment on [Lobsters](https://lobste.rs) without really understanding what the author of the comment meant in the broader context of the discussion,
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after which I deleted my comment and gave myself a pat on the back for avoiding accidentally derailing the discussion.
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% id = "01HREVZNAHRC9BJZJPH9RE21PE"
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- this is an unfortunate side effect of the tree-based structure of Lobsters.
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as much as I like tree-based forums, as they let you focus on many different (off-)topics without cluttering the main thread,
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it's damn near impossible to keep the broader context of _what the discussion is about_ when the thread nests more than 3 levels deep.
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% id = "01HREVZNAH96KPDQAW1YW1FGC5"
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- therefore, if you ever find yourself writing an essay about just how wrong someone is, think to yourself: am I _really_ understanding what's going on in this discussion?
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and if not - maybe just shut up and let the rest of the idiots fan the flames instead.
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFVPDBKKZPWDSV1D5G"
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+ :page: in wisdom you become old
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFNS3ZSSA1QXN83SMH"
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+ this is kind of weird, but recently I have noticed I no longer keep up with slang
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFC6RVTFP1QNR00W0V"
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- the fuck is a skibidi??
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGF170NG9S2AMVGP8NS"
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- maybe this is because I no longer browse memes.
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not on our friend circle's private Discord, not on Reddit, pretty much nowhere
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFYM90M1YQD1XDDYSM"
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- memes largely arrive to me directly from specific people.
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I don't go out to kill boredom with memes anymore.
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGF3Y7M3Q5V1F0TRPHX"
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- at some point I realized browsing memes adds nothing to my life, and I just stopped doing it.
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obviously something had to take their place in killing time, and that became... reading [Lobste.rs](https://lobste.rs).
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I think that's a net positive since you can genuinely learn a lot from people's writing about computing, but getting time for that required abandoning memes.
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGF2X8HBDP8YGE9M8YZ"
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- the realization that I gain nothing by browsing memes is probably what one could call a piece of _wisdom_; life knowledge, stuff that shapes your worldview.
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFF2QSCJR0CWPJ608V"
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+ but by gaining more wisdom, I have lost knowledge of popculture
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFJNDR46FA35CN0SQ5"
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- not that you can define _popculture_ in today's society that well anyways.
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there are so many little corners of culture that it's hard to tell what's popular anymore
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGF06SKKJCQKA2QNPT2"
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- ...don't tell anyone, but I like it that way.
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I can focus on my art and making it unique.
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no need to chase trends.
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFTFAS3BRAGPZC1G0N"
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- even if it means being called an old fart at some point.
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timeless > trendy
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZFWVQS5GK6B28MG3M"
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+ :page: "I build things"
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZMTJS5A9Z5VFFQR0V"
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- aka how to sound like the most boring software developer ever.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZCCJHXGMQSCJVEN93"
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- I can't count the amount of times I've heard this phrase.
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You say it, and it sounds so profound.
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So grand.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2DX52MEK755C2NZH"
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- *You. Build. Things.* after all.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZW84TQ6SZBPSP0EQZ"
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+ but behind those no words is no substance.
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You build things, so what?
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z7BPG32ZDD9Q5SZAX"
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- [the film starts, the film ends. nothing is said inbetween.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SILVQpqmH7U){.secret}
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z09EMEVYZDWM1Z9MX"
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- [humpty dumpty sat on the wall...](https://youtu.be/AIxY_Y9TGWI?t=475)
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZYGQTNCQTVFK3CF37"
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- if you're so uncreative as to _only_ be able to say you build things...
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yeah you're not very creative are you.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z472KF0XFYZNNXA6Z"
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- liquidex yells at cloud.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZHGDQFZNYGY941QDX"
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- there's a reason I call myself a programming wizard.
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that one word tells you so much more about my nature than "I build things."
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZR1E3BPTTEQ1YDE0H"
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- the wizard part is about wanting to go deeper, to explore every nook and cranny of the software I obsess over.
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uncover arcane knowledge few to no people know about.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZDXXXC5KEAZD0JWGA"
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- fucking, EVERYBODY builds things in this industry, arrite
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2N453PMF5Q2NZFDJ"
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- "I build things" is something literally _every_ creative can say.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZB00ANB28N21G2DZK"
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+ by the way here's a funny: <https://godly.website/>
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have fun browsing bad UX design xoxo
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z3DE0D6EW7C5GAEB9"
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- this website feels like it never had a UX designer look at it either.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z8K7DZJZY3S0CJGWH"
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- explore the [directory](https://godly.website/directory)---a list of categories, each of which is a link that takes up the entire width of the screen,
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so you never have any space to autoscroll with your middle mouse button
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z506G168Q7GPW78QS"
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- the fact the categories include boring garbage such as: "Agency", "E-commerce", "Startup", "Development", "Mobile App", "Finance", "SaaS",
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and of course the badges on the front page start with "AI" and "Web3" tells you a lot about the creators.
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"quality" my ass.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z9N7ZA6BKER4EQPKA"
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- this website doesn't even work without JavaScript, even though it's purely static content.
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z4FWSC4KEEQJJV669"
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- look I know treehouse barely works without JS, but _at least you can read it._
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% id = "01JBAK3T1Z6QSCGVE9PF9CWFGC"
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- an entry on this website provoked me to write this.
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I don't want to call out the specific one because it would be missing the point.
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% content.link = "philosophy/nicknames"
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id = "01JBWJ0475CPPP1FTWY1BRDWA6"
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+ :page: on nicknames
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% id = "01JBAK3T1ZFWVQS5GK6B28MG3M"
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content.link = "philosophy/i-build-things"
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+ :page: "I build things"
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% id = "01J1Q8SBGFVPDBKKZPWDSV1D5G"
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content.link = "philosophy/in-wisdom-you-become-old"
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+ :page: in wisdom you become old
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% id = "01HREVZNAHB1H9VMD0NPPFTEQ0"
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content.link = "philosophy/shut-up"
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+ :page: just shut up sometimes
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% id = "01HFYZKREV634J021ZMCDSP7G4"
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content.link = "philosophy/hedonic-treadmill"
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+ :page: hedonic treadmill ([wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill))
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@ -1,17 +0,0 @@
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%% title = "fear of the unknown"
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+ no matter how long you live, you will always live in fear.
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- that's your survival instinct speaking.
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- *as long as you're learning, you can never truly be comfortable.*
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+ learning new things requires changing yourself, and changing yourself means overcoming fear of the unknown.
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- (absorbing knowledge is not the same as learning.)
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- this is pretty scary when you think about it.
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do you mean I'll never be comfortable [being a furry][page:philosophy/furry]?
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- well yeah, basically yeah.
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only way is that you can become comfortable with certain _parts_ of the experience, by simply experiencing them and teaching your mind [it's okay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcBLUIov1_I){.secret}.
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@ -1,117 +0,0 @@
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%% title = "furry! —w—"
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- I like fur!
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it's really pleasant to the touch.
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+ if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world.
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unfortunately I'm allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment.
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- actually, I _do_ hug my parents' cats somewhat regularly when I visit them.
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it's just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face :oh:
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- honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl.
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so why don't we?
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- biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course...
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- thankfully on the Internet, anything goes.
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I can imagine.
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I can create.
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I can be whatever I want to be.
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- [_this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44){.secret}
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+ realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time.
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- overcoming [fear of the unknown][page:philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown] isn't exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise.
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- but being able to imagine I'm a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body.
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- I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems.
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+ in early childhood I'd get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here.
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- especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with.
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my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable
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- some kids would ask me "what happened to you?" out of curiosity.
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I'd respond "nothing, it's just my illness."
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- nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level.
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I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment.
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probably because my skin isn't inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks.
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- I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it.
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- this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane.
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it's just me with cat features ---w---
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+ I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout.
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I think it's cuter that way :3
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- technically anime-style faces _do_ resemble snouts slightly; they're just very short.
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(how fitting for a cat.)
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- there are lots of cool things about the human body.
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the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane.
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unless you have some disability of course.
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- but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same.
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+ you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof?
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- human floof so ugly and coarse ---w---
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- and you don't even get a cute tail {-that constantly gets caught on closing doors _OW FUCK_-}
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- all the other animals have those, so why not us?
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- like I know they're not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society.
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- I'll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not _the most normal_ thing in the world.
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- we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it :oh:
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- I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.)
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- except... later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it.
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yet the more I thought about that _thing_ (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool.
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- that's probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while.
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- so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5--6 years. (it started around 2017--2018)
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- the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei.
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"is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?"
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- still my favourite fluffy kindboy ---w---
|
||||
|
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- a few months later...
|
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I stumbled upon [this blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench.
|
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|
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- why _of course_ furries are not harmful you dumbass!
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what even made you think that?
|
||||
|
||||
- maybe it's time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you?
|
||||
|
||||
- soon enough I thought, "[_hehehehe \*mydli\* \*mydli\*_][pic:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2] let's have some fun with my online identity!"
|
||||
|
||||
I started this website.
|
||||
|
||||
- at first I didn't mention anything about being a furry.
|
||||
I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he's a pretty aesthetically pleasing character.
|
||||
not wanting to steal other people's art, I also started drawing around that time.
|
||||
|
||||
- a few months later, I slowly started [crawling out of my shell and hittin' truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxfN-dFyzEQ){.secret}.
|
||||
I added a little branch to the treehouse _mildly suggesting_ I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year [I came out with a fursona][branch:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2].
|
||||
|
||||
- as of writing this I'm still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. ---w---
|
||||
|
||||
- I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now:
|
||||
|
||||
+ ## I am a furry, and I'm proud of it!
|
||||
|
||||
- [_I am doing_][r]{.secret}\
|
||||
[_no harm_][r]{.secret}
|
||||
|
||||
[r]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44
|
||||
|
|
@ -1,20 +0,0 @@
|
|||
%% title = "hedonic treadmill"
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HFYZKREVV2CX1GYJQ18BJS78"
|
||||
- a concept that's incredibly useful in keeping it cool
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HFYZKREVVSABAMXQ5C8VTWWD"
|
||||
- because what of those depressing days, if next day you may wake up and feel 100x better
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HFYZKREVGA2YHKPXYFJ180P4"
|
||||
- a concept that's incredibly scary when you love someone
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HFYZKREVMKTSY4HXYE5R92HW"
|
||||
- because what of these moments where you're incredibly happy, if you're gonna feel normal
|
||||
tomorrow anyways
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HFYZKREVJ1GBC41SY44T4JRB"
|
||||
- as scary of a concept it is when you're feeling well, it's useful to remember about the
|
||||
treadmill when you're down. and don't think that it'll ruin a good day, just don't think about
|
||||
it then.
|
||||
|
||||
|
|
@ -1,71 +0,0 @@
|
|||
%% title = '"I build things"'
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZMTJS5A9Z5VFFQR0V"
|
||||
- aka how to sound like the most boring software developer ever.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZCCJHXGMQSCJVEN93"
|
||||
- I can't count the amount of times I've heard this phrase.
|
||||
You say it, and it sounds so profound.
|
||||
So grand.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2DX52MEK755C2NZH"
|
||||
- *You. Build. Things.* after all.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZW84TQ6SZBPSP0EQZ"
|
||||
+ but behind those no words is no substance.
|
||||
You build things, so what?
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z7BPG32ZDD9Q5SZAX"
|
||||
- [the film starts, the film ends. nothing is said inbetween.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SILVQpqmH7U){.secret}
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z09EMEVYZDWM1Z9MX"
|
||||
- [humpty dumpty sat on the wall...](https://youtu.be/AIxY_Y9TGWI?t=475)
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZYGQTNCQTVFK3CF37"
|
||||
- if you're so uncreative as to _only_ be able to say you build things...
|
||||
yeah you're not very creative are you.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z472KF0XFYZNNXA6Z"
|
||||
- liquidex yells at cloud.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZHGDQFZNYGY941QDX"
|
||||
- there's a reason I call myself a programming wizard.
|
||||
that one word tells you so much more about my nature than "I build things."
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZR1E3BPTTEQ1YDE0H"
|
||||
- the wizard part is about wanting to go deeper, to explore every nook and cranny of the software I obsess over.
|
||||
uncover arcane knowledge few to no people know about.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZDXXXC5KEAZD0JWGA"
|
||||
- fucking, EVERYBODY builds things in this industry, arrite
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z2N453PMF5Q2NZFDJ"
|
||||
- "I build things" is something literally _every_ creative can say.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1ZB00ANB28N21G2DZK"
|
||||
+ by the way here's a funny: <https://godly.website/>
|
||||
have fun browsing bad UX design xoxo
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z3DE0D6EW7C5GAEB9"
|
||||
- this website feels like it never had a UX designer look at it either.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z8K7DZJZY3S0CJGWH"
|
||||
- explore the [directory](https://godly.website/directory)---a list of categories, each of which is a link that takes up the entire width of the screen,
|
||||
so you never have any space to autoscroll with your middle mouse button
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z506G168Q7GPW78QS"
|
||||
- the fact the categories include boring garbage such as: "Agency", "E-commerce", "Startup", "Development", "Mobile App", "Finance", "SaaS",
|
||||
and of course the badges on the front page start with "AI" and "Web3" tells you a lot about the creators.
|
||||
|
||||
"quality" my ass.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z9N7ZA6BKER4EQPKA"
|
||||
- this website doesn't even work without JavaScript, even though it's purely static content.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z4FWSC4KEEQJJV669"
|
||||
- look I know treehouse barely works without JS, but _at least you can read it._
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01JBAK3T1Z6QSCGVE9PF9CWFGC"
|
||||
- an entry on this website provoked me to write this.
|
||||
I don't want to call out the specific one because it would be missing the point.
|
||||
|
||||
|
|
@ -1,40 +0,0 @@
|
|||
%% title = "in wisdom you become old"
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFNS3ZSSA1QXN83SMH"
|
||||
+ this is kind of weird, but recently I have noticed I no longer keep up with slang
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFC6RVTFP1QNR00W0V"
|
||||
- the fuck is a skibidi??
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF170NG9S2AMVGP8NS"
|
||||
- maybe this is because I no longer browse memes.
|
||||
not on our friend circle's private Discord, not on Reddit, pretty much nowhere
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFYM90M1YQD1XDDYSM"
|
||||
- memes largely arrive to me directly from specific people.
|
||||
I don't go out to kill boredom with memes anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF3Y7M3Q5V1F0TRPHX"
|
||||
- at some point I realized browsing memes adds nothing to my life, and I just stopped doing it.
|
||||
obviously something had to take their place in killing time, and that became... reading [Lobste.rs](https://lobste.rs).
|
||||
I think that's a net positive since you can genuinely learn a lot from people's writing about computing, but getting time for that required abandoning memes.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF2X8HBDP8YGE9M8YZ"
|
||||
- the realization that I gain nothing by browsing memes is probably what one could call a piece of _wisdom_; life knowledge, stuff that shapes your worldview.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFF2QSCJR0CWPJ608V"
|
||||
+ but by gaining more wisdom, I have lost knowledge of popculture
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFJNDR46FA35CN0SQ5"
|
||||
- not that you can define _popculture_ in today's society that well anyways.
|
||||
there are so many little corners of culture that it's hard to tell what's popular anymore
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGF06SKKJCQKA2QNPT2"
|
||||
- ...don't tell anyone, but I like it that way.
|
||||
I can focus on my art and making it unique.
|
||||
no need to chase trends.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01J1Q8SBGFTFAS3BRAGPZC1G0N"
|
||||
- even if it means being called an old fart at some point.
|
||||
timeless > trendy
|
||||
|
||||
|
|
@ -1,15 +0,0 @@
|
|||
%% title = "just shut up sometimes"
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HREVZNAH8XFRMVB9G58TPV8R"
|
||||
- I just caught myself writing a few paragraphs long comment on [Lobsters](https://lobste.rs) without really understanding what the author of the comment meant in the broader context of the discussion,
|
||||
after which I deleted my comment and gave myself a pat on the back for avoiding accidentally derailing the discussion.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HREVZNAHRC9BJZJPH9RE21PE"
|
||||
- this is an unfortunate side effect of the tree-based structure of Lobsters.
|
||||
as much as I like tree-based forums, as they let you focus on many different (off-)topics without cluttering the main thread,
|
||||
it's damn near impossible to keep the broader context of _what the discussion is about_ when the thread nests more than 3 levels deep.
|
||||
|
||||
% id = "01HREVZNAH96KPDQAW1YW1FGC5"
|
||||
- therefore, if you ever find yourself writing an essay about just how wrong someone is, think to yourself: am I _really_ understanding what's going on in this discussion?
|
||||
and if not - maybe just shut up and let the rest of the idiots fan the flames instead.
|
||||
|
||||
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