118 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
118 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
%% title = "furry! —w—"
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- I like fur!
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it's really pleasant to the touch.
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+ if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world.
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unfortunately I'm allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment.
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- actually, I _do_ hug my parents' cats somewhat regularly when I visit them.
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it's just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face :oh:
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- honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl.
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so why don't we?
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- biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course...
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- thankfully on the Internet, anything goes.
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I can imagine.
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I can create.
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I can be whatever I want to be.
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- [_this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44){.secret}
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+ realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time.
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- overcoming [fear of the unknown][page:philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown] isn't exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise.
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- but being able to imagine I'm a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body.
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- I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems.
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+ in early childhood I'd get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here.
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- especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with.
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my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable
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- some kids would ask me "what happened to you?" out of curiosity.
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I'd respond "nothing, it's just my illness."
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- nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level.
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I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment.
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probably because my skin isn't inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks.
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- I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it.
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- this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane.
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it's just me with cat features ---w---
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+ I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout.
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I think it's cuter that way :3
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- technically anime-style faces _do_ resemble snouts slightly; they're just very short.
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(how fitting for a cat.)
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- there are lots of cool things about the human body.
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the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane.
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unless you have some disability of course.
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- but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same.
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+ you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof?
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- human floof so ugly and coarse ---w---
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- and you don't even get a cute tail {-that constantly gets caught on closing doors _OW FUCK_-}
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- all the other animals have those, so why not us?
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- like I know they're not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society.
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- I'll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not _the most normal_ thing in the world.
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- we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it :oh:
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- I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.)
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- except... later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it.
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yet the more I thought about that _thing_ (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool.
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- that's probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while.
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- so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5--6 years. (it started around 2017--2018)
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- the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei.
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"is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?"
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- still my favourite fluffy kindboy ---w---
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- a few months later...
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I stumbled upon [this blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench.
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- why _of course_ furries are not harmful you dumbass!
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what even made you think that?
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- maybe it's time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you?
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- soon enough I thought, "[_hehehehe \*mydli\* \*mydli\*_][pic:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2] let's have some fun with my online identity!"
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I started this website.
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- at first I didn't mention anything about being a furry.
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I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he's a pretty aesthetically pleasing character.
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not wanting to steal other people's art, I also started drawing around that time.
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- a few months later, I slowly started [crawling out of my shell and hittin' truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxfN-dFyzEQ){.secret}.
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I added a little branch to the treehouse _mildly suggesting_ I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year [I came out with a fursona][branch:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2].
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- as of writing this I'm still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. ---w---
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- I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now:
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+ ## I am a furry, and I'm proud of it!
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- [_I am doing_][r]{.secret}\
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[_no harm_][r]{.secret}
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[r]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44
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