furry v2, along with some other changes
#philosophy tag got renamed to #shower to reflect what the category was called this may result in changes in your feed
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content/furry.dj
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title = "furry! —w—"
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+++
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I love fur!
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Did you know it's really pleasant to the touch?
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If I could, I would actually hug out all the cats in the world.
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Too bad there's so many it's kind of impossible, and also allergic complications.
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But, fur.
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It's nice.
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I like it a lot.
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## This dance
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Realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for a long time.
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When I first learned about the idea of _furries_, I was scared.
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I was going through my middle school days at the time, and I wanted to fit in as much as I could.
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To not lose friends.
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To not stand out too much.
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_You know what happens to people who stand out, don't you?
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So keep your mouth shut, and fit in..._
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is what I thought.
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I was avidly scared of anime at the time.
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It felt like a weird special interest thing, and from all I've heard of it, there was a _lot_ of lewd stuff.
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I didn't want anything to do with that, so I started hating on anime and otaku culture.
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Even though I found anime girls kinda cute.
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Just to fit in.
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The same thing happened with furries.
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I got exposed to some lewd material while playing Geometry Dash levels, and it was enough to disgust me for good.
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So that's how I also started hating on furries.
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Even though a few days later I changed my mind, and found the concept really cute.
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---
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Months passed, and the beliefs that anime and furries were bad became engraved into my personality.
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How could I change now?
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My friends would hate me.
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They'd feel betrayed.
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So I kept my hate shields up.
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But those fears started creeping up on me.
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First, when I changed my friends group to one which had an otaku in it.
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The guy was really nice.
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He became my best friend by the end of middle school.
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Leaving behind that old group of friends meant I had a chance to redeem myself and start watching anime.
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Our school trip was coming up, and my friend proposed that we watch [「君の名は。」]{.nowrap} (_Your Name_).
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I agreed, and a few weeks later I found myself in a room with a couple otakus, watching my first anime.
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I was toes deep.
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The water was warm.
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I had friends by my side.
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The ice around my heart melted a bit.
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But not so much for furries.
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---
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Middle school ended, I parted ways with my friends group.
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They went to a different high school than I did.
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The time we had spent was some of the best time in my life, but it was time to say goodbye.
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Say hi to high school, where largely nothing had changed, and I remained a furry in disguise.
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It came and went, and soon enough I was 18 years old; old enough to look for a job.
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Before I got hired though, I discovered A Hat in Time.
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A game that taught me that it's okay to be childish and have a little fun, melting the ice around my heart a bit more in the process.
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Fast forward a bit, about a year into the job---I decided to play that DELTARUNE game everyone's been so hyped up about.
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And there, a cute lil' character was waiting for me patiently.
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His name was Ralsei.
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I fuckin'... I dunno, man.
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This guy.
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This fuckin' guy.
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This cute lil' floofer.
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What can I say?
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A shy lil' goat boy.\
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Scared of the world.\
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With an iceberg of loneliness surrounding his heart.
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Ralsei's character resonated with mine.
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He was scared of being himself, and never had any friends.
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I was scared of being myself, and never had True friends.
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Then, by complete accident, I hammered the final nail into the coffin.
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On the day the idea for this website sprouted into my mind, I found myself reading [a blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) about the furry fandom, and I was like... _of course._\
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_Of course._\
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_What the hell was I thinking._
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Of course furries are fun.\
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Of course you should come out of your little hiding spot, tell everyone you're a furry, own it, and be proud of it.\
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What the hell have you been running away from?\
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Have some fun in your life for once, you cowardly little boy.
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My heart started screaming out for help.
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And the power of fluffy boys shined within it.
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---
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I don't remember what my coming out as a furry looked like exactly.
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All I remember is that I had an idea in my mind, for how to do it as subtly and gently as possible, to not scare myself away.
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I drew an upside down pixel art hatted Ralsei.
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He kinda didn't even resemble the real thing.
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You had to look close, turn your head upside down...
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but it was undeniably him.
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I then started doing pixel art more regularly, to level up my drawing skills.
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{-Because of course I was, and in fact, still _am_, too socially inept to ask an artist for a commission-}
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I drew a couple more Ralseis, [including this fucking image LMAO](https://liquidev.net/syf/art/20230712_ralsei_sleeping.webp), and then finally, a *proper* hatless Ralsei face, right side up.
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I set it as my profile picture, and it was out.
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_I'm a furry, y'all!_ OwO
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## is like a weapon
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It would take me quite some time since then to come up with a fursona I could call my own, but at some point I settled for a [ragdoll](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragdoll).
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I love cats, I love fur, what's more to want than to be one of the floofiest cats in the world?
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Curious little observation, but it's actually kind of uncommon to see cat furries in the western world.
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Makes my sona all the more unique!
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Other than my love of cats, this choice _may_ have been influenced by my liking of Japanese-style furries (ケモノ---_kemono_)---where cat OCs are a lot more common.
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I just find their more human-like faces a lot cuter, so naturally I'd want my fursona to have one.
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---
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You could also be wondering why the heck is my sona so... woman-like.
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If I'm a _he/him_-type, why does it look like a such a _she/her_?
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Thing is, I really don't like gender stereotypes.
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Why is a guy that looks a bit womanly perceived as a weirdo?
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He's doing no harm, so why are you giving him weird stares on the street?
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Why can't I wear clothes that show off all the nice curves on my body, too?
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Like overknee (aka programming) socks.
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They're pretty cute if you match them up well with the rest of your outfit.
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So riki is a pink, fluffy femboy.
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Because fuck those stereotypes.
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## of self-defence
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There's actually another reason I like to wear a fursona online.
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I've never really liked my body much.
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As a child, my face looked... weirdly square, and Mom always had my hair cut real short, and that was enough to really dislike how I look.
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I was also born with atopic dermatisis, which gave me horrible rashes and skin inflammations for the better part of my life.
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Thankfully with some of the experimental meds I've been taking that's largely gone, but my skin still tends to be quite delicate.
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And itchy.
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Also, remember how I said I really like cats?\
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But what if I told you... my allergies don't let me pet them much?
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Cats that wander outside (like those at my parents' house) like to roll in dirt, and you can imagine how well that meshes with my itchy and delicate skin.
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So I hardly ever get the chance to pet a cat (once in a blue moon when visiting my parents), and when I _do_, I have to be really careful not to get an allergic reaction.
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Not fun.
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So my fursona acts as a form of escape from that harsh reality.
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On the internet, there is no atopic dermatisis or allergies to worry about, after all.
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---
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Also can I just say, human customisation options are so lame???
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The hell do you mean I only get to pick my skin colour, hair colour, and eye colour, and that's it?
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Where's the "fur" option with a full 3D coat colour painting tool?
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And where do I switch those lame-ass human ears to big cute spiky ears, and also where's the tail option.
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Please let me have cat features.
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I look cuter that way.
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## against the present, present tense
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So that pretty much sums it up.
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If you only skimmed this post, here's an AI summary for you:
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> Something something cute, something something pink fluffy ragdoll femboy, something something please give many pets and hug very much.
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_\*purrs smugly\*_
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Have a very fluffy day! OwO
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