fun fact: being a furry is FUN and you should be PROUD OF IT

content/about.tree

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@
     "01J09E55G0WS63QCFBPP12EMRM",
     "01J09E55G0H58Q8V8NV23QSQGC",
   ]
-+ I'm a _he/him_-type cat furry doing various things with computers!
++ I'm a _he/him_-type cat [furry][page:philosophy/furry] doing various things with computers!
 
     % id = "01J7S89Y467VSMGW5DCE1P2D75"
     - I don't have enough drawing skill to pull off a full body fursona just yet, but this is me!

content/philosophy.tree

@@ -20,6 +20,12 @@
         % id = "01JBAK8GABBRYFED4AMGC4BKTB"
         - there's a reason I don't include these branches in [page:treehouse/new][] alright
 
+% content.link = "philosophy/furry"
++ :page: furry! ---w---
+
+% content.link = "philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown"
++ :page: fear of the unknown
+
 % content.link = "philosophy/nicknames"
   id = "01JBWJ0475CPPP1FTWY1BRDWA6"
 + :page: on nicknames

content/philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown.tree

@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+%% title = "fear of the unknown"
+
++ no matter how long you live, you will always live in fear.
+
+    - that's your survival instinct speaking.
+
+- *as long as you're learning, you can never truly be comfortable.*
+
+    + learning new things requires changing yourself, and changing yourself means overcoming fear of the unknown.
+
+        - (absorbing knowledge is not the same as learning.)
+
+- this is pretty scary when you think about it.
+do you mean I'll never be comfortable [being a furry][page:philosophy/furry]?
+
+    - well yeah, basically yeah.
+    only way is that you can become comfortable with certain _parts_ of the experience, by simply experiencing them and teaching your mind [it's okay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcBLUIov1_I){.secret}.

content/philosophy/furry.tree

@@ -0,0 +1,117 @@
+%% title = "furry! —w—"
+
+- I like fur!
+it's really pleasant to the touch.
+
+    + if I could, I would hug out all the cats in the world.
+    unfortunately I'm allergic to cats, but at least I can imagine the enjoyment.
+
+        - actually, I _do_ hug my parents' cats somewhat regularly when I visit them.
+        it's just that I get a rash 5 minutes after hugging them to my face :oh:
+
+    - honestly, it makes me think life would be a lot more pleasant if at least some of us had fur irl.
+    so why don't we?
+
+        - biology, evolution, and all that boring stuff of course...
+
+        - thankfully on the Internet, anything goes.
+        I can imagine.
+        I can create.
+        I can be whatever I want to be.
+
+- [_this dance is like a weapon of self-defense against the present tense_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44){.secret}
+
+    + realising my love of fur has been a huge source of internal conflicts for some time.
+
+        - overcoming [fear of the unknown][page:philosophy/fear-of-the-unknown] isn't exactly the most easy or pleasant mental exercise.
+
+    - but being able to imagine I'm a humanoid cat lets me not worry about actual deficiencies of my body.
+
+        - I was born with atopic dermatitis, and my skin has always been a source of problems.
+
+            + in early childhood I'd get horrible rashes, sometimes so painful and graphic I do not want to describe them here.
+
+                - especially before doctors recommended me good emollients to moisturise my skin with.
+                my atopic dermatitis manifests itself as intense itching and skin dryness; moisturising is important in making it bearable
+
+                - some kids would ask me "what happened to you?" out of curiosity.
+                I'd respond "nothing, it's just my illness."
+
+            - nowadays I take experimental meds which lower the symptoms to a manageable level.
+            I actually started liking how I look after I started undergoing treatment.
+            probably because my skin isn't inflamed all the damn time, so I can shift my focus from my face feeling red hot to actually appreciating how it looks.
+
+- I view being a furry not as a rejection of my body, but rather as an augmentation of it.
+
+    - this is more or less why my fursona is so mundane.
+    it's just me with cat features ---w---
+
+        + I have an anime human-looking face rather than a snout.
+        I think it's cuter that way :3
+
+            - technically anime-style faces _do_ resemble snouts slightly; they're just very short.
+            (how fitting for a cat.)
+
+    - there are lots of cool things about the human body.
+    the motor skill of your hands is kind of insane.
+    unless you have some disability of course.
+
+        - but the customisation options are just so boooring! everybody looks pretty much the same.
+        
+            + you get to customise your shape and color of your hair, but not the size and placement of your ears, or the level and color of your floof?
+
+                - human floof so ugly and coarse ---w---
+
+            - and you don't even get a cute tail {-that constantly gets caught on closing doors _OW FUCK_-}
+
+            - all the other animals have those, so why not us?
+
+                - like I know they're not practical from a hunter-gatherer sort of standpoint, but we live in a society.
+
+- I'll admit my first conscious exposure to furries was not _the most normal_ thing in the world.
+
+    - we were playing Geometry Dash with a friend at school, and we encountered a level that had some furry porn in it :oh:
+
+        - I was a pretty non-assertive kid at the time, so I conformed to his reactions (basically disgust.)
+
+            - except... later I thought about it, and the more I let the idea of a furry sink in, the more I liked it.
+            yet the more I thought about that _thing_ (ugh) we encountered, the more I hated myself for thinking furries were cool.
+
+            - that's probably what led to me being anti-furry for a good while.
+
+- so wanting to be a furry built up in me for 5--6 years. (it started around 2017--2018)
+
+    - the tipping point was after I played Deltarune and really liked Ralsei.
+    "is it wrong to like a furry character from a game?"
+
+        - still my favourite fluffy kindboy ---w---
+
+    - a few months later...
+    I stumbled upon [this blog post from soatok](https://soatok.blog/2020/04/23/never-underestimate-the-furry-fandom/) and it made me realise just how fucking deep I was in my anti-furry Mariana trench.
+
+        - why _of course_ furries are not harmful you dumbass!
+        what even made you think that?
+        
+        - maybe it's time to swim out of there before the pressure crushes you?
+
+- soon enough I thought, "[_hehehehe \*mydli\* \*mydli\*_][pic:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2] let's have some fun with my online identity!"
+
+I started this website.
+
+    - at first I didn't mention anything about being a furry.
+    I started using Ralsei as my online avatar and persona, because he's a pretty aesthetically pleasing character.
+    not wanting to steal other people's art, I also started drawing around that time.
+
+    - a few months later, I slowly started [crawling out of my shell and hittin' truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxfN-dFyzEQ){.secret}.
+    I added a little branch to the treehouse _mildly suggesting_ I was a furry to people who were curious enough to click around, and finally, over a year later, in September this year [I came out with a fursona][branch:01JCE80BJC51R6706Z1GD7VNA2].
+
+        - as of writing this I'm still not displaying it very proudly on my website (my drawing skills are a constant work in progress!) but having it as my profile pic everywhere puts me at ease. ---w---
+
+- I feel a lot more comfortable saying this now:
+
+    + ## I am a furry, and I'm proud of it!
+
+        - [_I am doing_][r]{.secret}\
+        [_no harm_][r]{.secret}
+
+        [r]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPAZV8y4B44